Coastalblog

That is all. This shit should be saved for facebook status updates, I guess.

like bloody crack, the Daily Mail comments. Anyhoo,one more irresistible one (from a story about people arguing about gays or god or some such thing) and then I'm off to bed

Dear Ben Summerskill, how awful that you find this old lady's views offensive. By the way, I had to give up walking on some of the best parts of Hampstead Heath because of the toilet waste left by male gays every night, whose behaviour you exist to support. It was SO offensive to find faecal matter and tissue stuck to my feet, not to mention the risk to children. Good old Stonewall, eh?

- Ms B, London, UK, 26/10/2009 13:10

YES! DAMN YOU THE GAYS! WITH YOUR SHIT PARTIES! FOR SOME REASON! WANDERING AROUND, LOBBING YOUR POO WILLY NILLY, AND LOO ROLL, NOT QUITE SURE HOW THAT IS ACTUALLY A PART OF THE OLD ANAL SEX BUT I'M PRETTY SURE YOU CELEBRATE YOUR MAN LOVE BY DUMPING ALL OVER THE SHOW. THEN WIPING. THEN JUST DUMPING THAT. YOU GAY SHITS. DIE. YOU FUCKED UP MY WALK WITH YOUR POO.

and, oh dear lord thankyou yes, won't someone PLEASE think of the children?

Oh I heart the mail so, so much

Typically thoughtful and reasoned piece from the clinically sane Mel Phillips today. Read the headline first. Drink it in. Have you ever, inall your born days, read a collection of words so beautifully tooled to tap into the dark fantasies of the mittelenglische? Let's set aside the obama questioning and palin supporting, mel's really gone for the burn here.

Then, o my children, read ye the comments. For those who can't be arsed, here's a choice selection, with weird random capitalisation and scant regard for the laws of grammar aplenty:

Lets have NICK Griffin shouting from the roof tops, yes he IS telling the truth, and the mealy mouthed jack straw has been proved again to not be able to tell the truth along with the rest of his party.

- brian, Blandford, 26/10/2009

(Hi KKK! Even "almost totally non-violent" KKK! Hi! This country needs you!)

Labour are traitors. They should pay for their irretrievable crime in the traditional way.

- Clive Halton, chelmsford, Essex,

(irretrievable? curious adjective)

The LEFT have always had a deliberate policy of DESTROY anything decent.

- banachech, oxford england, 26/10/2009

(stop shouting!)

People failed to listen to Enoch Powell - let's not make the same mistake again! Roll on the General Election and get these TRAITORS of all parties OUT!

- Andrew, Portsmouth, UK, 26/10/2009 8:22

(yes! listen to Enoch!)

If you had bothered to visit the BNP site over the past 5+ years you would have read articles that have been saying exactly this.

- Michael beck, aberdeenshire, 26/10/2009

(If only I had, I could be partying with you)

New LIEbour

- Michael beck, aberdeenshire, 26/10/2009

(I see what you did there)

If Turkey joins the EU, we shall be well on the way to the moslem caliphate!

- Daffyd, Colwyn Bay, Wales, 26/10/2009 7:37

(WHAT?)


The BNP should be winning awards now for waking the British public up from it's apathy and opening their eyes to the duplicitous, traitorous acts of Labour.

- Richard, London, 26/10/2009 7:33

(seriously, this isn't like BNP watch or anything, it's just EVERY THIRD COMMENT)


Very good article Melanie but why is this not the main headlines of this paper, as for other papers or the news channels it is not mentioned. I expect the attitude of the liberal left elite media is "what you don't know won't hurt you" !!! (ie more lies and deceit against the British

- Ed, Lincoln, England, 26/10/2009 7:29

(because the Daily Mail is clearly part of the liberal left elite, Ed. Or, possibly, because this is UNSUBSTANTIATED BULLSHIT. Or are you actully calling Dacre a commie? I hope you are. Come here Dacre you pinko fag. FACE THE WRATH OF THE PEOPLE)

I despair at what Nu Liebour have done to my country.
I will vote BNP.

- Annie, Bham, 26/10/2009 7:18

(what I like about this is she gets to make her "Liebour" gag, but she's from birmingham. Say "Labour" in a brummie accent)

Why is this NOT on all the news channels???

- Amanda, Manchester, 26/10/2009 7:17

(possibly a liberal elite conspiracy, Amanda, equally possibly because it's UTTERLY UNSUBSTANTIATED BULLSHIT)

Am I alone in the thought that ALL media has been deafeningly quiet on this subject over the weekend....??

- si, flatlands ... east UK..., 26/10/2009 6:56

(no, si, there are approximately seventy other posts expressing precisely the same sentiment)

Oh, go on then, one more pro BNP one before I sign off

Wakey, wakey!!! This is what Nick Griffin has been trying to tell you for years, and has suffered lies, smears and abuse for his troubles!!!

- alan, weybridge, 26/10/2009 5:17

Proof, if proof be need be, that the Daily Mail truly are a bunch of fucking cunts. Or, at least, theat the Daily Mail mods are a bunch of lazy cunts. Anyhoo, there's more, loads more, go enjoy yourselves.

Not an epic week, the highlight beng moving stuff out of the living room so the plasterer can come in and do his thing. Like the death of a childhood hero there's nothing that reminds you so chillingly that you're full-grown as getting someone in to do something. Brrrr.

So a quick post, seeing as I'm back doing this thing again I supose I'd best keep at it, even if there's little of interest to say. how about a list of five entertaining things? That'll do.

1. Griffin. Don't wish to expend too much energy on this, as the hyperbole is off the scale. Suffice to say a million votes = right to public speaking. Deliciously said right then leads inexorably to making a tit of oneself. I fell in love with Bonnie Greer after her 2:2 gag. NOT THAT THERE'S ANYTHING WRONG WITH ONLY GETTING A 2:2, SLIGHTLY THICKER READERS. I kid, obv.

2. Idolator's fifty worst songs of the 00's looks like one to follow, entertained so far, even though I've opnly heard a fraction of them, being, as I am, a Brit. I fear Cheryl Cole's current atrocity has arrived too late to make the cut, a shame.

3. Friend of Coadstalblog's Not Sue's entertaining facebook status updates whilst being trapped in BBC television centre during said griffin debacle. Your correspondent's highlight "I fear the BBC bar will ahve run out of wine before the police will let us leave". Good times.

4. The Estimable Cliff yates. Coastalblog hermano. Buy the damn book.

5. Being as I live not too far from merseyside, the two local clubs utterly fucking abject performances this week have lead to an overall atmosphere of peace and quiet. There's nothing as noisy as a scouser who's team's just won. Blessed relief. Now, I don't wish to stray too far from this post's intended brevity, but the blues have an excuse. Liverpool fans, what the fuck is up with your boys? Poor show. Fort William updates soon, natch.

This is, after all, the internet. This particular shitstorm brewed up hours ago, and is already old news, but fuck it, I've been in work all day, I'm feeling slightly misanthropic and here's a chance to thump an old enemy.

Doubtless you'e already read Jan Moir's massively upstetting and wrongheaded article. If you've not here you go. Pretty hate filled, huh? The bit about the "happy ever after myth of civil partnerships" is particularly choice. Her response is pretty funny, too, but i don't feel like generating more hits for the Mail. Needless to say no-one could possibly conclude that a phrase like the aforementioned could be construed as homophobic. It also falls back on the elderly defence of claiming that nobody kicking off actually read the article. Sorry Jan, I did, what with having a higher regard for checking one's facts first than, say, the Mail. Anyhoo, doubtless you're aware that a backlash is afoot, which is, of course, massively entertaining, what with the mail making lots of money by generating huge amounts of complaints to the PCC over oh, whatever they've been annoyed about of late (I think immediately of the Brand/Ross/Sachs/who gives a fuck farrago, a prime example of being annoyed at having to go into bat for tools on a matter of principle). Kind of delicious that they're on the receiving end eh?

So do read the article first, please, let us here at coastalblog maintain a higher intellectual standard. But when you've read it, the Press complaints commmission website is here. Bless 'em, they've set up a shortcut already. If you're in doubt as to the last box the breaches of the code of conduct the Mail have specifically made are articles 1, 5 and 12. Have fun!

You remember the ads. Don't make out like you don't. Someone eats a tasty yoghurt (or signs up for a credit card, my memory's somewhat hazy) and someone else sticks their hand in a wood chipper (or is gored by a rhino, again, I forget). Well it's an interesting idea. Well no, it's not, but it's a fragile peg on which to hang a blog post, and I'm bored. So it'll do.

So, in the spirit of those adverts for either a yoghurt I never ate or a credit card I never got (still not sure) here are my top five hateable individuals, each piece of bile balanced with what may prove to be a redeeming feature. Or not. The jury's out.

CHERYL COLE
AGAINST: that single, you know the one. Also massive racist, though that seems to have been forgotten.
FOR: married Ashley, so nobody else has to, doesn't sit well with the charge of racism I know but hey. We're due some revision.

TAIO CRUZ
AGAINST: see below
FOR: endearing admission in an interview that he invented a grammatically incorrect construction in an attempt to prove himself as being "down with the street"

CHRIS MOYLES
AGAINST: now surely I don't need to go into detail here, I've actually attempted to listen to his show, some radio reviewers of decent standing have actually been complimentary and whilst it's perceptible that there's a vestige of an articulate human being in there somewhere it's drowned in a sea of him bellowing over his co-presenters. Boorish.
FOR: CLIMBED A MOUNTAIN! FOR CHARITY! WITH CHERYL COLE! Actually give Cheryl another point there. Though it was in africa, so she probably wasn't too happy about it. And I don't know. I still have a sneaking suspicion that he's actually a decent guy. I have no evidence to support this, though.

JULIAN CASABLANCAS
AGAINST: Floppy-faced, cack-handed, self regarding wankbag whose new record makes alphabeat sound like Carcass. The living embodiment of everything hatable about hipsters.
FOR: Has a dog called Voltron

HRH THE DUKE OF EDINBURGH
AGAINST: gun-happy, xenophobic leech
FOR: best value for money of any royal, see recent rant about having to "make love" to TV remotes to get them to work. Also that crack to a scottish driving instructor about "keeping the natives off the booze" (apologies to scottish readers, nevertheless amusing)

so there, you see? Coastalblog. Balanced. Even handed.

As some of you may be aware I spend my days holed up in a kitchen with only a radio for company. As a result I listen to a lot of it. I'd love to listen to radios 4 and 3 but find that I tend to start concentrating on them and not getting any work done. I'd listen to 6 but I can't get it together to go and buy a digital radio, and as any fule kno commercial radio is entirely, entirely beyond the pale. So radio 1 it is. It's generally inoffensive enough, particularly now they've got shot of Jo "That's amazing" Whiley, though the replacement Fearne Cotton is shaping up to be just as aggravating (though occasionally appealingly snarky about records she clearly doesn't like, a trait which is only to be encouraged but which will, I fear, be stamped down upon sharpish). Okay, they have a tendency to bang on about any old mediocrity (hello The Killers/ Kings of Leon but on the other hand there're generally a couple of good records per hour or so.

Two though, which stink of piss and which, having heard more times than I care to recall I need to slag off before my head explodes.

Taio Cruz - Break your heart. Mystifyingly number one for a couple of weeks now, it's not so much the music i object to, that needlessly dramatic electro-ish pop guff of which there's a bewilderingly large amount about at the moment, but the sentiment. Young Taio bangs on and on about how he's going to break this girl's heart and generally treat her like crap, about how he's "not easy to please" as thugh labouring under the misapprehension that fronting up about this early doors is in some way noble behaviour. Take note please, Mr Cruz and all other egregious faux honesty merchants. Saying that you're going to behave like a total prick in no way justifies behaving like a total prick. Perhaps try not behaving like a total prick? Just a thought.

Secondly that one where the Sugababes B-team witter on at tedious length about how sexy they are, as if sexiness in itself is in any way a justification of their wilful misappropriation of other wise blameless, potentially useful atoms. The hilarious right said fred chorus about being "too sexy in this club/ so sexy it hurts" the lyrics with one eye on the american market (if you had a dime, young lady, you'd have to go to a bureau de change, this is blighty, and the word is "their" not "they", they put you on THEIR arm, who taught you english?) and the generally slappable vacuity of the whole sorry farrago are crying out for a counter single entitled "I hate to break it to you love but you're not all that".

Ah, better.

If I have ever known it, it occurred this evening.

Mrs Coastalblog is out for a well deserved night out with the girls, leaving me and the boy to our own devices (consisting largely of him shouting "trains daddy" at me and then playing with duplo). We cook dinner. It's very much a joint effort. Ethan likes to stand on a chair by the stove when I cook. This evening, he decides that it's down to him to make dinner. I merely chop, and hand him ingredients which he then lashes in the pan, occasionally yelling "more chicken daddy" or "more tomatoes", inexpertly stirring and yelling "spoon". I, more routinely used to barking at at k.p's and wait staff am very much the sous to his two foot nine, two year old chef de cuisine.

We dished it up, and sat and ate our dinner in a companionable manner. He ate the lot, then grinned at me and pronounced "my dinner".

Seriously people, if you have a better example of sheer, utter, unnalloyed heaven, I'd like to hear it.