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Showing posts from May, 2006

The joy and pain of getting older

So as I was navigating my way across the BBC radio player I chanced upon an advert for radio 1's ""Bare all this summer" safe sex campaign. Bloody hell, I thought. Never had anything like that when I were a lad. I almost started harrumphing before it occurred to me that well, yes, when I was their target audience I was up to all sorts also. And then it hit me, I'm in my late twenties, and as such still relatively youngish (though by radio 1's standards past it), and as such young enough to realise that the problem with young people is that you suspect that they're having more fun than you did, I just hope that I remember this.

Ho hum

Random grab bag of thoughts and what have you from the last week or so.

Anthony Worrall Thompson. Anthony Worrall Thompson. Anthony. Worrall. Thompson. I'm writing his name three times in order to fix his horrible orc-like face in my memory, and what has the troll-featured cuntbubble done to attracts my ire? Why, suggesting that the minimum wage by abolished. And why should the minimum wage, that succour to nameless millions balancing precariously above the poverty line, be abolished? Because it would make waiting on staff work harder for tips. Anthony Worrall Thompson. Drink it in. Anthony. Worrall. Thompson (this, incidentally, is the same man who suggests turning up to a fully booked restaurant and insisting that you booked, because they'll have to let you in, he is a pox on humanity, a boil on the face of sweet mother earth, an enormous worm ridden shit in your chardonnay, to paraphrase the tone-deaf man's Tasmin Archer, Alanis Morrissette).

Ormskirk's getting more d…

Oh dear

So say you were a local journalist writing a story about a schism in the committee at the local cricket club, and say you were looking for a simple, easily recognisable phrase which the vast majority of the population would understand as meaning "a lack of fair play" which, handily, includes the word cricket. Would you, as the Advertiser's boards outside Somerfield proudly do, proclaim said shenanigans to be "not just cricket"? Well would you?

In further news from our "Oh for the love of Benji" desk german cyclist Hans Stucke has been pedalling his old sit up and beg bike around the world since 1962. He is officially the world's most travelled man, and, by extension it seems likely that this is the world's most travelled bike. His constant faithful companion on his travels across the globe, across every continent, across deserts, tundra, through war zones without mishap.

Until he got a ferry to Portsmouth, and it was nicked by the local scallies…

Karaoke Kicking

Further intrepid investigation was, as promised, undergone. It turns out that Ormskirk's crime of the week was a beating inflicted upon a pub singer by a bloke who objected to his singing, heckled him repeatedly and then, when the singer objected to said heckling, dragged him outside and beat the tar out of him.

Now, I am temperamentally in favour of criticism being vigorous when necessary, but this is perhaps taking matters too far; the fact that the tune in question was Mr B White's "My First, My Last, My Everything" as inflicted upon your correspondent by countless godawful cabaret artists and sung along to by horrible women who've had too much wine over the years, however, is a mitigating circumstance, and I retain an open mind.

The scene of this debate, it will come as no surprise to the Stalybridge contingent to learn, was none other than The Plough, where one clearly can't get the clientele these days.

In football news, disappointing to see the Fort retu…

Hang out the flags

The date, first of May, 2006. The Place, Claggan Park, nestling at the foot of mighty ben Nevis. The Scoreline...

Fort William FC 3 Cove Rangers 2.

Some bloke who lives in Cove Bay, can you hear me? Some other bloke who lives in Cove Bay, can you hear me? The fishing community that sailed from Cover Harbour in the 1830s supporting around 20 families. Most of them living in the planned hamlet of Cove at the head of the track from the harbour can you hear me? Your boys took a hell of a beating! And not just any old victory this, for Cove lie a dizzying eighth in the league. The scoreline takes The Fort to within nine points of second bottom Brora, and reduces the goal difference to a trifling -80. Total goals conceded 99, which, with a scant handful of games to go leaves this correspondents bet of under 115 shipped total looking distinctly likelier than Jimmy's wildly pessimistic 120+. Jimmy Parker can you hear me?

In other news this week's super soaraway Ormskirk Champion has spl…

Coastalhitched (shortly)

I do not as a matter of course tend to include matters of a personal nature on here when they involve others, not only is it unfair to said others but it detracts from vital updates on the progress of the Ormskirk model boating lake, the progress of Fort William FC and the like (which will be resumed shortly). Nevertheless, this is fairly important.

Coastalblog will shortly be making an honest woman of Mrs Coastalblog. Crikey.

That is all.