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How about if we used working in a restaurant over christmas as a package deal for a corporate team building exercise?

I'm serious, Christmas is biting hard and I'm trying desperately to think of ways to keep myself from going mad. It was in the middle of service last night, when dealing with a particularly obnoxious Christmas party (who I am perfectly happy to name as the staff of Ormskirk Specsavers. An obnoxious and zero-tipping bunch of fuckwads, who wouldn't pass plates that I palpably couldn't reach until I shouted "Go go gadget arms!" at them. And a special note for the girl in the maroon halter neck top. I do not fancy you. None of my staff fancy you. and I don't care if you get your breasts out or not I'm not going to serve you past last orders) when my big new idea hit.

It's so easy. Take one fractious and bickering corporate body and, instead of all that white-water rafting or paintballing nonsense send them to me for the festive season. The relentless nights of squalling dimwitted christams partyers, the heat, the noise, the overcoming of adversity by reaching deep into yourself when it's one in the morning and you see no immediate prospect of going home. All these factors will mou;d them into an efficient and humble unit, prepared to work hard for each other (though equally well on their own initiative, CV fans), and filled with a renewed zeal for the work. If not that then at least it may TEACH THEM SOME FUCKING MANNERS before they come in for their own lager-sodden christmas do.

Win-win, really.

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