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Further Breaking Ormskirk News

GUILTY AS HELL: Scenes of delirium in court this week as "cold blooded killer" John Climo was "sent down" for LIFE for the murder of Ormskirk businessman Kenneth Iddon. Gosh. The judge was left in "no doubt" that he'd been paid to do it. Though who actually did that seems largely to be being glossed over at the moment. Regular coastalblog readers won't recall (as I didn't bother mentioning it) that the original trial of his wife and her son collapsed when they entered a plea of "who, us?" and the jury returned a verdict of "fair enough."

TURTLES WIN AGAIN, TEAM JESUS "WORSE THAN TROTSKY": A gallant, battling performance from the perennial All Westhead All the Time League chancers saw them scrape a creditable third in last weeks Winner-takes-some clash at the Albert. Transfer rumours abound after midfield dynamo Lesley "Lesley" Kenny pointed mysteriously at a comfy chair and said "comfy chair, that's all I'm saying." Though we hear that negotiations are ongoing to bring in two loan players from Stalybridge Celtic to beef up the attacking three quarter line.

CELEBRITY SIGHTINGS: Team Jesus' tough-tackling centre back MATT FALLAIZE at Ormskirks most rapidly declined eaterie The Le The Old The le Frog The. Our sources have it that the "southern ponce" will this evening be attending a poetry reading by Alan Halsey, leading to a first start at quarterback for Wing Defence Sam Rothwell. Ex Prime Minister BENJAMIN DISRAELI standing very still outside the Golden Lion, for ages.

ALEJANDRO HOBBY-WATCH: Exciting developments this week as Ormskirk's blackest man "The Cosby from Crosby" Alex MacKenzie attempts to break the world record for the longest headspin achieved whilst playing bluegrass banjo. Bated breath etc.

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