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Things I have learned this week

The world's most expensive sandwich is not that overblown monstrosity on sale at Selfridges but is in fact the creation of none other than our very own super soaraway Ormskirk Advertiser's celeb chef Tom Bridge who sniffily points out that his cost £885 (as opposed to the mere £85 that London povvos are prepared to shell out, the measly bastards). It seems to feature an awful lot of caviar, and only a churl would point out that it sounds absolutely revolting (champagne mayonnaise?). Also I refuse to take anyone who lists one of his ingredients as "Exotic Salad" seriously. I furthermore suspect that the price may be inflated slightly by the final instruction to "garnish with a glass of champagne".

We import £3,500 worth of chocolate covered waffles from Ireland each year! We export £3,500 worth of chocolate covered waffles to Ireland each year! I think I see a way out of this! (Thanks, The Guardian).

It is possible to use the word "and" five times in a row and have it be correct to do so. No, you scoff? Well, say you owned a Pub called the Rose and Crown, and say that you wanted a new sign painting up for it. Upon it's completion you realise that the lettering is too widely spaced, call the painter to you, fix him with the old stern eye and say "Now look here Hans, The gaps between 'Rose' and 'and' and 'and' and 'Crown' are far to big, sort it out you buffoon, or you'll feel the back of my hand" not only will you have succeeded in doing it but you'll probably have a lawsuit on your hands, too. Boffo! (Thanks, Robin's Dad)

In other news, one more workshop to go until I'm put back in my box. Strange scheduling really, eleven workshop, three weeks off, one workshop, done. Odd. There's some new stuff up on Ormskirk Short Stories and Easter weekend really is an absolute bitch to work. I blame Jesus.

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