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Karaoke Kicking

Further intrepid investigation was, as promised, undergone. It turns out that Ormskirk's crime of the week was a beating inflicted upon a pub singer by a bloke who objected to his singing, heckled him repeatedly and then, when the singer objected to said heckling, dragged him outside and beat the tar out of him.

Now, I am temperamentally in favour of criticism being vigorous when necessary, but this is perhaps taking matters too far; the fact that the tune in question was Mr B White's "My First, My Last, My Everything" as inflicted upon your correspondent by countless godawful cabaret artists and sung along to by horrible women who've had too much wine over the years, however, is a mitigating circumstance, and I retain an open mind.

The scene of this debate, it will come as no surprise to the Stalybridge contingent to learn, was none other than The Plough, where one clearly can't get the clientele these days.

In football news, disappointing to see the Fort return to their old ways, falling to a dispiriting 4-0 against some chap called Keith (rumours that they're still pissed from celebrating their win last week are undoubtedly Vicious Lies), even more disappointing to see Theo Walcott's "attractive blonde" (c The Mail) girlfriend splashed all over the tabs. She's 17 guys, she's a kid. Knock it off.

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