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Just stop for a fucking second, okay?

Hi

I am in two minds about this post, well, three, possibly four. A couple of years ago I'd have dived (dove?) right in but now...um...

I have, as I have alluded to below, become uncomfortable with getting into stuff on the internet to any great extent. There're manifold reasons for this unease; I am primarily a paper and pen man when all's said and done, simply as there's clearly more effort involved, writing someone a letter is invested with equal gravitas to clicking "like" on fucking facebook and that simply isn't right to my elderly mind, there's too much unseemly display on the net, too much assumption that the minutiae of one's existence matters beyond the breakfast bowl. Too much self, simply put.

My brother's dead.

You see? Now this is news. Certainly is to me and my grieving, thunderstruck family. Is it right to put this on the internet? It's highly possibly that you will tab away from the news of my beautiful brother's death to a fucking lolcat or some such piece of vapid shit. I'm not gonna blame you for it, this is the digital condition.

So that was my dilemma. Telling the internet about the death of my brother after an all too brief battle with what turned out to be an absolute twat of a cancer seemed to me to cheapen it. Seems to me to cheapen it. Everything's inconsequential. Everything's ephemeral. I loathe it.

Conversely some may have wondered why I'd buggered off and hey, I've nothing against you, I'm pretty confident that you're good people. so you, y'know, you deserve some sort of explanation.

So yes. My beloved brother, Nicholas John Fallaize, died two weeks ago, on August 24th. A tuesday. At 3 o clock. My mother held his hand. My father stood at the head of the bed. I sent out a welsh rarebit and a lamb stew to table U3 and wondered why I had a missed call from my mum. I'm not going further. Talk is cheap, talk on the internet is even cheaper. Sentiment's a penny a pound, truisms less. Not one of them will bring my brother back.

normal snark will resumein a bit, just bear with me a while, okay?

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