Skip to main content

The colour of passports

Is this what it was all about?

Andrew Rossindell M.P: "it's a matter of identity, having the pink European passports has been a matter of national humiliation"

Now, leaving aside that my passport is a fetching shade of maroon, rather than pink (and that Rossindell's recoiling from that colour, imagined as it is, speaks to lengthy and expensive analysis required), and leaving aside the observation that I really don't understand why it matters what colour a passport holder is, given that it's the information inside which is important, and leaving even further aside the fact that we were already free to choose the colour of our passports (EU member Croatia's is a perfectly pleasant blue) I am forced to ask:

National humiliation?

Going cap in hand in the seventies to the IMF was a national humiliation. Our spiralling rates of child child poverty are a national humiliation. The fact that cancer survival rates in the UK are lower than most other comparable countries is a national humiliation. Hell, I'll even throw in losing to Iceland (though I'm aware that's a strictly English humiliation)in the euros if you like.

But the colour of my passport? I don't care. and I don't think Rossindell does, either. I think he just wants to be different from Europe. It doesn't matter how, or why, just that it happens. He's chosen passports.

Meanwhile, over in the Telegraph, Simon Heffer writes yearningly of bringing back imperial measures, to differentiate ourselves from the hated metric system of everyone else. Now, this strikes me as nothing more than exercise in nostalgia. In much the same way as the Brexiteers sneer "we won, get over it" I would respectfully point out that in the battle between metric and imperial, imperial lost quite a long time ago. Besides, we still have pints and we still have miles, can't you just enjoyy those Imperial relics Simon? And get on with your life?

Is this what it's been about? Bringing back things lost to the ages? Or is it a subconscious yearning for their own youth? I've never had a blue passport. I'm comfortable working in kilos. I'm also a lot younger than Rossindell and Heffer.

There are arguments made that that Brexit is symptomatic of a war between the generations. Broadly speaking the young broke against it, the odler in favour. Nothing is ever that simple, of course, and the idea of a war between the generations is as laughable as the idea of a competitive football league in Scotland. Celtic will win, the baby boomers already did.

But all this wistful harking back to the past is a dangerous basis on which to run a country, and this idea of exceptionalism, of things just being different for us Brits, is the sort of blinkered idiocy which leads inevitably to perpetual failure (I refer readers back to Gareth Southgate's bracing honesty about the England football team), we sail confidently on until we come up against someone more competent than us and then, bewildered, we fail.

Symptomatic of this is the frothing about Gibraltar. This reacting with confused indignation to a situation which was going to happen from the very second we voted out. The idea that the EU would act in favour of its members, not in favour of those who aren't, should not be a surprise. If it is a surprise, then you are remarkably dim.

It's okay though, because here comes Michael Howard. Invoking the Falklands: “Thirty-five years ago this week another woman Prime Minister sent a task force half way across the world to defend the freedom of another small group of British people against another Spanish-speaking country".

You're kidding, right? War? With Spain? do you know how many Brits live there? It'd be like going to war with Essex.

These dreams of Empire, this nostalgic sabre-rattling, this misty eyed harking back to mythical days of yore. Brexit seems little more than old white men wanting to be young again, refighting the battles of their youth, or at least early middle age. Is that what it was all about?

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

To all intents and purposes, a bloody great weed.

I absolutely love trees, and I get quite irate when they get cut down. One of the aspects of life with which I most often find myself most at odds with my fellow man is that I'm not really a fan of the tidy garden. I like to see a bit of biodiversity knocking about the gaff, and to that end I welcome the somewhat overgrown hedge, am pro the bit of lawn left to run riot, and, most of all, very anti cutting down trees. I love the things, habitat, provider of shade, easy on the eye, home to the songbirds that delight the ear at dawn, the best alarm clock of all. To me, cutting a naturally growing tree down is an act of errant vandalism, as well as monumental entitlement, it's been around longer than you. So, this being the case, let me say this. The public outcry over the felling of the tree at Sycamore Gap is sentimental, overblown nonsense, and the fact that the two men found guilty of it have been given a custodial sentence is completely insane. Prison? For cutting down a Sycam...

Oh! Are you on the jabs?

I have never been a slender man. No one has ever looked at me and thought "oh, he needs feeding up". It's a good job for me that I was already in a relationship by the early noughties as I was never going to carry off the wasted rock star in skinny jeans look. No one has ever mistaken me for Noel Fielding. This is not to say that I'm entirely a corpulent mess. I have, at various times in my life, been in pretty good shape, but it takes a lot of hard work, and a lot of vigilance, particularly in my line of work, where temptation is never far away. Also, I reason, I have only one life to live, so have the cheese, ffs. I have often wondered what it would be like to be effortlessly in good nick, to not have to stop and think how much I really want that pie (quite a lot, obviously, pie is great), but I've long since come to terms with the fact that my default form is "lived-in". I do try to keep things under control, but I also put weight on at the mere menti...

Inedible

"He says it's inedible" said my front of house manager, as she laid the half-eaten fish and chips in front of me, and instantly I relaxed.  Clearly, I observed, it was edible to some degree. I comped it, because I can't be arsed arguing the toss, and I want to make my front of house's lives as simple as possible. The haddock had been delivered that morning. The fryers had been cleaned that morning. The batter had been made that morning (and it's very good batter, ask me nicely and I'll give you the recipe some time). The fish and chips was identical to the other 27 portions I'd sent out on that lunch service, all of which had come back more or less hoovered up, we have have a (justified, if I do say so myself) very good reputation for our chips. But it was, apparently, "inedible". When it comes to complaints, less is more. If you use a hyperbolic word like that, I'll switch off, you've marked yourself as a rube, a chump, I'm not g...