You would, I imagine, be a little surprised if I wrote a blog in defence of Boris Johnson and his recent brush with the law; a piece which highlighted every individual's right to a private life and pointed out that we've all made mistakes, which argued that what goes on between a couple in their private residence is no business of the wider public.
And you'd be right to be surprised, because I wouldn't, and the reason that I wouldn't is that that position is spurious bollocks being spouted by Johnson apologists who wouldn't know a moral if it bit them in the arse.
You are doubtless aware of the bare bones of our PM-in-waiting's imbroglio. Neighbours called police after hearing shouting, breakages, a woman screaming "get off me". The police arrived, decided there was nothing to worry about and that, as far as the Johnson camp is concerned, is that.
Except, of course that it isn't, in these tribal times, it's not enough that the matter's gone no further, Johnson's mob need an insurance policy. They may well be suffering buyer's remorse, but they're in too deep now, it's Boris or nothing, so the attack dogs are unleashed, the couple who rang the police are outed as Remainers, sneered at for living in a nice house, accused of being part of a left-wing plot to bring down the noble blond beast. Priti Patel gets to spout this absurd conspiracy theory on the Today programme, without anyone contradicting her. A distasteful playing down of the potential seriousness of the situation (a woman shouting "get off me" is "just a tiff") is so bad that domestic violence charities are moved to release a joint statement reminding people that they should indeed call the police if they suspect someone of being a victim of violence. A serious issue becomes politicised, and because nobody is capable of thinking in anything other than binary any more then if you're pro-Johnson you are now, by definition, anti the sort of people who ring the police if they suspect a woman is being abused. This, surely, is not a position anyone who stopped to think for a second would want to find themselves in. In the same way that those defending Mark Field when he grabbed a female protestor by the neck because he's on "their" side were left feeling a trifle idiotic when he was quite rightly suspended, I think a few of the Johnson defenders have got alarm bells ringing somewhere deep in the pit of their flinty little hearts. Because if you genuinely believe that the future Prime Minister getting drunk and smashing up the flat of his girlfriend isn't a matter of public interest then I have some magic beans I wish to sell you. And if you are prepared to vilify people because they show concern over a potential incident of domestic violence just because it's in defence of "your" guy, then I think that both you and your principles need to go for a little walk and have a quiet think.
Now, I'm acutely aware that I, too could be accused of a degree of bias in writing this. I don't like Johnson, I don't like anything he stands for. I find him venal, amoral, corrupt and incompetent. I find it little short of astonishing that the Conservative Party, the party which purports to stand for the status quo, for the family, for quiet competence and for the economy, is preparing to pin its colours to the mast of a serial philanderer with a love-child he refuses to publicly acknowledge, a man whose inability to master the basics of his brief has led to an innocent woman languishing in an Iranian jail and, perhaps most seriously of all for the Tories, who, lest we forget, really, really like money, memorably said "fuck business" when business pointed out that his Brexit plans are....what's the technical term? Mental. It just goes to show that love makes us do crazy things, and those Tory party members are hopelessly in love with Brexit, more so than they even are with the UK itself, if recent polls are to be believed.
But I think there is a clear line to be drawn here, this isn't a moral grey area, it's a very simple question: if you'd heard the sounds of sustained argument, if you'd been round three times and no-one answered, if you heard a woman scream "get off me", would you ring the police?
Of course you would.
And you'd be right to be surprised, because I wouldn't, and the reason that I wouldn't is that that position is spurious bollocks being spouted by Johnson apologists who wouldn't know a moral if it bit them in the arse.
You are doubtless aware of the bare bones of our PM-in-waiting's imbroglio. Neighbours called police after hearing shouting, breakages, a woman screaming "get off me". The police arrived, decided there was nothing to worry about and that, as far as the Johnson camp is concerned, is that.
Except, of course that it isn't, in these tribal times, it's not enough that the matter's gone no further, Johnson's mob need an insurance policy. They may well be suffering buyer's remorse, but they're in too deep now, it's Boris or nothing, so the attack dogs are unleashed, the couple who rang the police are outed as Remainers, sneered at for living in a nice house, accused of being part of a left-wing plot to bring down the noble blond beast. Priti Patel gets to spout this absurd conspiracy theory on the Today programme, without anyone contradicting her. A distasteful playing down of the potential seriousness of the situation (a woman shouting "get off me" is "just a tiff") is so bad that domestic violence charities are moved to release a joint statement reminding people that they should indeed call the police if they suspect someone of being a victim of violence. A serious issue becomes politicised, and because nobody is capable of thinking in anything other than binary any more then if you're pro-Johnson you are now, by definition, anti the sort of people who ring the police if they suspect a woman is being abused. This, surely, is not a position anyone who stopped to think for a second would want to find themselves in. In the same way that those defending Mark Field when he grabbed a female protestor by the neck because he's on "their" side were left feeling a trifle idiotic when he was quite rightly suspended, I think a few of the Johnson defenders have got alarm bells ringing somewhere deep in the pit of their flinty little hearts. Because if you genuinely believe that the future Prime Minister getting drunk and smashing up the flat of his girlfriend isn't a matter of public interest then I have some magic beans I wish to sell you. And if you are prepared to vilify people because they show concern over a potential incident of domestic violence just because it's in defence of "your" guy, then I think that both you and your principles need to go for a little walk and have a quiet think.
Now, I'm acutely aware that I, too could be accused of a degree of bias in writing this. I don't like Johnson, I don't like anything he stands for. I find him venal, amoral, corrupt and incompetent. I find it little short of astonishing that the Conservative Party, the party which purports to stand for the status quo, for the family, for quiet competence and for the economy, is preparing to pin its colours to the mast of a serial philanderer with a love-child he refuses to publicly acknowledge, a man whose inability to master the basics of his brief has led to an innocent woman languishing in an Iranian jail and, perhaps most seriously of all for the Tories, who, lest we forget, really, really like money, memorably said "fuck business" when business pointed out that his Brexit plans are....what's the technical term? Mental. It just goes to show that love makes us do crazy things, and those Tory party members are hopelessly in love with Brexit, more so than they even are with the UK itself, if recent polls are to be believed.
But I think there is a clear line to be drawn here, this isn't a moral grey area, it's a very simple question: if you'd heard the sounds of sustained argument, if you'd been round three times and no-one answered, if you heard a woman scream "get off me", would you ring the police?
Of course you would.
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