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You kill them with your kindness, Matteo

It is something of a truism that the behaviour of the general public has worsened since the pandemic. One of those tropes which, when mentioned, is largely uncontroversial. That period we spent confined, the reasoning goes, was enough to strip us of the veneer of manners that prevents a polite society from giving in to its base, primal selfishness, one taste of panic-buying toilet roll was enough to awaken the beast within. People nod sagely, of course, we are only ever a few unsocialised days from complete anarchy at any given moment. People, eh?

For the most part, I'm disinclined to agree. I don't think behaviour has become significantly worse since the pandemic. And even if it has, I'm not sure it was lockdown that did it. As a hospitality veteran who has seen, broken up, thrown out and shouted at more than his fair share of malfeasance down the years I tend towards the view that people have always been poorly behaved, at least some people. I don't buy that behaviour generally has worsened. People have always been impatient, entitled shitbags. Well, some people. Particularly after a few drinks.

What I think might have changed is our tolerance of shoddy behaviour. I think those few heady weeks of perpetual sunshine and imminent death caused us to weigh up our existence and conclude that life is short, and I'm not putting up with your bullshit anymore. 

For the most part I consider this a good thing, manners cost nothing, after all. But there are ways of going about it. I operate a fairly zero-tolerance policy towards customer rudeness. Tables that are high-handed and dismissive or demanding to my charming, hard-working and unfailingly pleasant front-of-house staff are more or less guaranteed a visit from me, in my whites, having clearly just stepped out of a busy kitchen. I don't harangue, or hector, or lecture, I merely enquire politely whether or not everyone's having a pleasant time, if everything is to their satisfaction and if there is anything I can do to help. Unfailingly they are, it is, and no, no, everything's great, thanks. My staff report generally improved demeanours and significantly improved behaviours post a little swing-by from me.

(I have had, on thankfully vanishingly rare occasions, had to be somewhat more direct, suffice it to say you don't want to see me after a waitress has just reported that you've touched her arse)

Because all it takes is a little jolt out of what they consider to be the normal way of doing things, and behaviour resets. People recalibrate. It was all fun and games when there were a bunch of young women to boss around (not, I hasten to add, my hiring policy, but my FOH is overwhelmingly female, the poor, outnumbered token lad gets worked into the ground as I try to make it look balanced, didn't plan it that way, it's just who asks for jobs) but now there is a slightly harassed looking chef to factor in, which opens up the distinct possibility of other harassed looking chefs. The odds of who's coming out on top in a barney have just shifted somewhat. I didn't come out of the kitchen still absent-mindedly holding a ridiculously sharp knife, but I had one in my hands quite recently. It gives them something to think about.

This is not to say that one threatens, or is aggressive, or is unpleasant in any way shape or form. Many years ago I used to work with a guy who was much loved by customers, and he always used to say "You kill them with your kindness, Matteo". It's stuck with me. I've always got better results from obnoxious people from being polite, kind, but firm. Of course I can sort that out for you, if it's us that have made a mistake, I'll rectify it, if the fault is them being an arse I'll politely offer an alternative, or a dessert or a drink on the house. I always make it clear it's a shame when we can't agree on a problem, but it's always amicable.

There's only one time this hasn't worked; a lady complained about the sausage and mash her child had ordered because they weren't "kids sausages", she was rude to the staff to the point where I was asked to explain the situation. Which I did, very sorry, they're the only ones we do, would you like anything else etc. No? Okay, well, no charge as they weren't to your liking, here's an ice cream on the house for the kids.

She came in the next day to complain, but not to me, which is a bit odd considering I'm the owner, she complained instead to a wee slip of a girl that I'd accused her kids of being stupid, I was rude and aggressive. She simply couldn't accept that I wasn't going to apologise for using good quality sausages rather than the pub shite she was expecting (I paraphrase).

Which simply goes to show that you can't win 'em all, but given that we serve about forty thousand people a year, and it's happened once in seven years, I'll take that, as laws of averages go. This, incidentally, was pre-pandemic.

You kill them with your kindness Matteo, they leave in no doubt that if anyone's being unreasonable, it sure as hell isn't me. It's worked so far.

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