You remember the ads. Don't make out like you don't. Someone eats a tasty yoghurt (or signs up for a credit card, my memory's somewhat hazy) and someone else sticks their hand in a wood chipper (or is gored by a rhino, again, I forget). Well it's an interesting idea. Well no, it's not, but it's a fragile peg on which to hang a blog post, and I'm bored. So it'll do.
So, in the spirit of those adverts for either a yoghurt I never ate or a credit card I never got (still not sure) here are my top five hateable individuals, each piece of bile balanced with what may prove to be a redeeming feature. Or not. The jury's out.
CHERYL COLE
AGAINST: that single, you know the one. Also massive racist, though that seems to have been forgotten.
FOR: married Ashley, so nobody else has to, doesn't sit well with the charge of racism I know but hey. We're due some revision.
TAIO CRUZ
AGAINST: see below
FOR: endearing admission in an interview that he invented a grammatically incorrect construction in an attempt to prove himself as being "down with the street"
CHRIS MOYLES
AGAINST: now surely I don't need to go into detail here, I've actually attempted to listen to his show, some radio reviewers of decent standing have actually been complimentary and whilst it's perceptible that there's a vestige of an articulate human being in there somewhere it's drowned in a sea of him bellowing over his co-presenters. Boorish.
FOR: CLIMBED A MOUNTAIN! FOR CHARITY! WITH CHERYL COLE! Actually give Cheryl another point there. Though it was in africa, so she probably wasn't too happy about it. And I don't know. I still have a sneaking suspicion that he's actually a decent guy. I have no evidence to support this, though.
JULIAN CASABLANCAS
AGAINST: Floppy-faced, cack-handed, self regarding wankbag whose new record makes alphabeat sound like Carcass. The living embodiment of everything hatable about hipsters.
FOR: Has a dog called Voltron
HRH THE DUKE OF EDINBURGH
AGAINST: gun-happy, xenophobic leech
FOR: best value for money of any royal, see recent rant about having to "make love" to TV remotes to get them to work. Also that crack to a scottish driving instructor about "keeping the natives off the booze" (apologies to scottish readers, nevertheless amusing)
so there, you see? Coastalblog. Balanced. Even handed.
So, in the spirit of those adverts for either a yoghurt I never ate or a credit card I never got (still not sure) here are my top five hateable individuals, each piece of bile balanced with what may prove to be a redeeming feature. Or not. The jury's out.
CHERYL COLE
AGAINST: that single, you know the one. Also massive racist, though that seems to have been forgotten.
FOR: married Ashley, so nobody else has to, doesn't sit well with the charge of racism I know but hey. We're due some revision.
TAIO CRUZ
AGAINST: see below
FOR: endearing admission in an interview that he invented a grammatically incorrect construction in an attempt to prove himself as being "down with the street"
CHRIS MOYLES
AGAINST: now surely I don't need to go into detail here, I've actually attempted to listen to his show, some radio reviewers of decent standing have actually been complimentary and whilst it's perceptible that there's a vestige of an articulate human being in there somewhere it's drowned in a sea of him bellowing over his co-presenters. Boorish.
FOR: CLIMBED A MOUNTAIN! FOR CHARITY! WITH CHERYL COLE! Actually give Cheryl another point there. Though it was in africa, so she probably wasn't too happy about it. And I don't know. I still have a sneaking suspicion that he's actually a decent guy. I have no evidence to support this, though.
JULIAN CASABLANCAS
AGAINST: Floppy-faced, cack-handed, self regarding wankbag whose new record makes alphabeat sound like Carcass. The living embodiment of everything hatable about hipsters.
FOR: Has a dog called Voltron
HRH THE DUKE OF EDINBURGH
AGAINST: gun-happy, xenophobic leech
FOR: best value for money of any royal, see recent rant about having to "make love" to TV remotes to get them to work. Also that crack to a scottish driving instructor about "keeping the natives off the booze" (apologies to scottish readers, nevertheless amusing)
so there, you see? Coastalblog. Balanced. Even handed.
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