Skip to main content

Fucking right

All, of course, should read Gary Younge's article in teh Grauniad today. Better yet, get stuck into the comments for a ripe slice of why people who comment on Grauniad articles are even worse than people who comment on BBC articles. Heaven save us from liberals who want to be iconoclasts. Learn, people, the whole point of being a liberal is to be a big girl's blouse. Try to be a liberal hardass and you just come off as a total prick. Um, yeah, but, like, what do I owe Haiti yeah? You don't. And that's fine. Anything you choose to do, or not to do is between you and your conscience. I see no sense in making it a matter of public record unless you're grandstanding. In which case you're clearly a fucking cunt on general principles.

And no, I'm not telling you what I've done, what kind of a fucking idiot would that make me? Ah, the kind that implies he's a generous benefactor whilst simultaneously castigating those who do something similar, aha, the double bubble total prick, a vicious circle, my children.

In further news from our spectacular irony desk, an email arrives from 3dg3 h1ll inviting me, hilariously, to a conference on widening participation! There will be a buffet! And drinks! 3dg3 H1ll axed its widening participation programme in the latest round of budget cuts! Thanks to Mandelson! See you there!
Further yucks to be had at the conference's strapline: "Mainstreaming Equity, Opportunity and Success in Higher Education". Anyone who can read this sentence with a straight face is no friend of mine. Die. Die. Die now. Die.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

To all intents and purposes, a bloody great weed.

I absolutely love trees, and I get quite irate when they get cut down. One of the aspects of life with which I most often find myself most at odds with my fellow man is that I'm not really a fan of the tidy garden. I like to see a bit of biodiversity knocking about the gaff, and to that end I welcome the somewhat overgrown hedge, am pro the bit of lawn left to run riot, and, most of all, very anti cutting down trees. I love the things, habitat, provider of shade, easy on the eye, home to the songbirds that delight the ear at dawn, the best alarm clock of all. To me, cutting a naturally growing tree down is an act of errant vandalism, as well as monumental entitlement, it's been around longer than you. So, this being the case, let me say this. The public outcry over the felling of the tree at Sycamore Gap is sentimental, overblown nonsense, and the fact that the two men found guilty of it have been given a custodial sentence is completely insane. Prison? For cutting down a Sycam...

Oh! Are you on the jabs?

I have never been a slender man. No one has ever looked at me and thought "oh, he needs feeding up". It's a good job for me that I was already in a relationship by the early noughties as I was never going to carry off the wasted rock star in skinny jeans look. No one has ever mistaken me for Noel Fielding. This is not to say that I'm entirely a corpulent mess. I have, at various times in my life, been in pretty good shape, but it takes a lot of hard work, and a lot of vigilance, particularly in my line of work, where temptation is never far away. Also, I reason, I have only one life to live, so have the cheese, ffs. I have often wondered what it would be like to be effortlessly in good nick, to not have to stop and think how much I really want that pie (quite a lot, obviously, pie is great), but I've long since come to terms with the fact that my default form is "lived-in". I do try to keep things under control, but I also put weight on at the mere menti...

Inedible

"He says it's inedible" said my front of house manager, as she laid the half-eaten fish and chips in front of me, and instantly I relaxed.  Clearly, I observed, it was edible to some degree. I comped it, because I can't be arsed arguing the toss, and I want to make my front of house's lives as simple as possible. The haddock had been delivered that morning. The fryers had been cleaned that morning. The batter had been made that morning (and it's very good batter, ask me nicely and I'll give you the recipe some time). The fish and chips was identical to the other 27 portions I'd sent out on that lunch service, all of which had come back more or less hoovered up, we have have a (justified, if I do say so myself) very good reputation for our chips. But it was, apparently, "inedible". When it comes to complaints, less is more. If you use a hyperbolic word like that, I'll switch off, you've marked yourself as a rube, a chump, I'm not g...