Been a while since the super, soaraway Ormskirk Champion has served up such a treat, but this one is wonderful.
So anyhow, Marco Pierre White attaches his name to the Swan Inn in Aughton, relaunching it under his aegis. So far so so. Some locals are surprised to learn that he's not cooking there himself, but as they are clearly dolts we shall not allow them to detain us further. Coastalblog is midly intrigued, and will probably toddle along for a spot of dinner in a few months or so, when it's all calmed down a bit.
It then emerges that the parent company (no people, not Marco himself, he is a name attached to said company, do keep up) have applied for planning permission to add some accomodation to said restaurant. You know, the restaurant which is under the aegis of multi award winning, one of the kickers off of the late eighties british food revolution, resolutely top end Marco Pierre White. That restaurant. That restaurant to have some accomodation attached. Lets be absolutely clear about this.
What do you reckon a hotel attached to a restaurant which has the name of a michelin starred, hardcore, quality chef will charge per night? Two hundred quid? Hundred and fifty? Ninety? Ninety sounds about right, I reckon.
No! Cries local heroine Sheryl D, of Aughton. They're going to be charging £19. Nineteen squids to you squire. Well, you might reasonably respond, that sounds highly fucking unlikely, in fact, it sounds suspiciously like you misheard someone saying ninety, and went right off the deep end thus laying yourself wide open to this sort of blog based mockery, but on the off-chance that this is the case, why on earth should I give a monkeys?
Because, says local heroine Sheryl D, a hotel charging £19 a night will (deep breath) "higher the risk of crime" (chew that sentence over for a bit, grammar fans, ask yourself how it got past the Champ's eagle-eyed subs, then ask if they have any subs, then cry bitter tears at the folly of man) "and vandalism" and, oh dear sweet lord "They will be able to watch our daughter playing in the garden". She goes on to say that "As Aughton is in the green belt residents pay a premium to live here"
It's almost impossible to know where to start. It has taken me a couple of days to get round to posting this as my brain is awhirl with the sheer boneheadedness of, well, all of it really. What stands out? Is it that the premise of the whole story is predicated on someone clearly failing to hear a number correctly? Is it that the endlessly quotable Sheryl D can conflate lower prices with increased criminality? Is it being given homilies on morality by someone so patently venal? Is it the fact that Ashley Cole is so soon deposed from the title of World's least self-aware person? Is it the concept of CRIMINALS GOING ON HOLIDAY? "Ere darlin, little weekend break, only £19 a night and we can do some crimes" "ooh, lovely, do they have a teasmade?" Which is, admittedly blowing my mind. Is it the sheer, hateful, petty sentiment? Or is it the fact that a fucking newspaper printed this shit? And nobody thought to check it? I mean it's been a slow news week even by Ormskirk standards, but even so...
So anyhow, Marco Pierre White attaches his name to the Swan Inn in Aughton, relaunching it under his aegis. So far so so. Some locals are surprised to learn that he's not cooking there himself, but as they are clearly dolts we shall not allow them to detain us further. Coastalblog is midly intrigued, and will probably toddle along for a spot of dinner in a few months or so, when it's all calmed down a bit.
It then emerges that the parent company (no people, not Marco himself, he is a name attached to said company, do keep up) have applied for planning permission to add some accomodation to said restaurant. You know, the restaurant which is under the aegis of multi award winning, one of the kickers off of the late eighties british food revolution, resolutely top end Marco Pierre White. That restaurant. That restaurant to have some accomodation attached. Lets be absolutely clear about this.
What do you reckon a hotel attached to a restaurant which has the name of a michelin starred, hardcore, quality chef will charge per night? Two hundred quid? Hundred and fifty? Ninety? Ninety sounds about right, I reckon.
No! Cries local heroine Sheryl D, of Aughton. They're going to be charging £19. Nineteen squids to you squire. Well, you might reasonably respond, that sounds highly fucking unlikely, in fact, it sounds suspiciously like you misheard someone saying ninety, and went right off the deep end thus laying yourself wide open to this sort of blog based mockery, but on the off-chance that this is the case, why on earth should I give a monkeys?
Because, says local heroine Sheryl D, a hotel charging £19 a night will (deep breath) "higher the risk of crime" (chew that sentence over for a bit, grammar fans, ask yourself how it got past the Champ's eagle-eyed subs, then ask if they have any subs, then cry bitter tears at the folly of man) "and vandalism" and, oh dear sweet lord "They will be able to watch our daughter playing in the garden". She goes on to say that "As Aughton is in the green belt residents pay a premium to live here"
It's almost impossible to know where to start. It has taken me a couple of days to get round to posting this as my brain is awhirl with the sheer boneheadedness of, well, all of it really. What stands out? Is it that the premise of the whole story is predicated on someone clearly failing to hear a number correctly? Is it that the endlessly quotable Sheryl D can conflate lower prices with increased criminality? Is it being given homilies on morality by someone so patently venal? Is it the fact that Ashley Cole is so soon deposed from the title of World's least self-aware person? Is it the concept of CRIMINALS GOING ON HOLIDAY? "Ere darlin, little weekend break, only £19 a night and we can do some crimes" "ooh, lovely, do they have a teasmade?" Which is, admittedly blowing my mind. Is it the sheer, hateful, petty sentiment? Or is it the fact that a fucking newspaper printed this shit? And nobody thought to check it? I mean it's been a slow news week even by Ormskirk standards, but even so...
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