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Ho ho

You know what's great? Winning money by knowing stuff. Particularly when pub denizens growl "Smartarse" at you and you reply "that's mr sixty pounds richer smartarse to you." Made particularly great by doubting teammates being convinced I wouldn't know the answer. We still came fucking second, though, damn those old people who have had more time to learn incidental bollocks than us.

You know what's even greater? Two seperate people have found coastalblog by googling "Ormskirk seed pods." If only they'd googled EIGHT FUCKING METRES TALL BRONZE GLOWING SEED PODS that would have been even greater. Welcome, come one come all to the web's number one ormsirk resource (I get a load of googlers for the Arriba, too, god only knows what impression they get. But this one's just for them: THE ARRIBA IS WHERE YOU GO WHEN YOU HAVEN'T EVEN GOT ENOUGH SELF RESPECT TO PAY FOR WHORES YOU RIDICULOUS BASTARDS. THE ARRIBA IS WHERE YOU GO WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK ENOUGH TO PURSUE THE IDEA THAT CASUAL SEX WITH SOME GIRL TOO DRUNK TO KNOW WHAT SHE'S DOING MIGHT BE A REALLY, REALLY GOOD IDEA, AND IN NO WAY AN HORRIFIC EMOTIONAL CAR-CRASH WHICH DEMEANS YOU BOTH. IT IS SHIT. YOU ARE SHIT. EVERYTHING YOU STAND FOR IS SHIT. EVERYTHING YOU HAVE EVER DONE IS SHIT. NO, SHE WOULDN'T FANCY YOU SOBER. YOUR SHIRT, ALSO, IS SHIT. GO TO LIVERPOOL FOR FUCK'S SAKE. DON'T GO TO THE ARRIBA. DON'T GO TO THE ARRIBA. DON'T GO TO THE ARRIBA. EVERY TIME YOU GO TO THE ARRIBA A FAIRY DIES. YOUR SHIRT REALLY IS SHIT, INCIDENTALLY, AND SO IS YOUR MATES. LITTLE BRITAIN IS SHIT, I KNOW YOU LOVE IT, BUT IT'S SHIT. OASIS ARE SHIT, AND WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING STILL LISTENING TO THEM ANYWAY? IT'S NEARLY TWO THOUSAND AND BASTARD SIX. BUDWEISER IS SHIT. SMIRNOFF ICE IS SHIT. THE BAR-MAID DOES NOT FANCY YOU, SHE GIVES THAT FLIRTY GLANCE TO EVERYONE, THOUGH YOU MAY GET A DISINTERESTED HAND-JOB IF YOU OFFER HER SOME OF YOUR REALLY SHIT COKE. YOUR FRIENDS DON'T REALLY LIKE YOU, AND LET'S BE HONEST, YOU DON'T REALLY LIKE THEM EITHER, DO YOU? OH, I KNOW YOU SAY YOU DO. BUT CAN YOU SEE THEM STANDING BY YOU WHEN IT ALL GOES REALLY, REALLY WRONG? DO YOU HONESTLY THINK THAT PATTING SOMONE AWKWARDLY ON THE SHOULDER AND MUMBLING "I'M REALLY SORRY MATE" CUTS IT WHEN A SERIOUS CRISIS HITS,YOU TIT? YOU'RE NOT FRIENDS, YOU JUST THINK YOU ARE BECAUSE YOU GET PISSED AND BELLOW ALONG TO "BROWN-EYED GIRL" TOGETHER. "BROWN-EYED GIRL" IS NOT A GOOD SONG. IT IS SHIT, BUT NOT, AND I CANNOT STRESS THIS ENOUGH, AS SHIT AS YOU).

I am, incidentally, drunk.

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