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Pavlov's Carbonated, caffeinated, vegetable root-extract flavoured beverage

Now, contrary to what you may have gleaned from the reams of vituperation which have spooled forth upon these pages since coastalblog's inception I do not, as a general rule, quiver with contempt for my fellow man en bloc. Well, maybe a touch, but on the whole I try to see the best.

but around about this time every year a phenomenon occurs which causes your correspondent to desire to gnaw his own hand off in frustration as he weeps for his fellow man.

I first noticed it in '96, the year zero of the internet from the coastal prespective. Wide eyed at Uni, making fumbling (though in one notable case successful)attempts to flirt via email, agog and gushy with the sheer wonder of it all, but up it cropped on the uni's bulletin boards; and so it has continued through group emails, message-boards, myspace, facebook all the way up to twitter. Each year more crushingly depressing than the last.

What? What? You cry. Dear reader, let me elucidate:

It is the phenomenon of people taking the time and trouble to tell the internet that they have started feeling festive BECAUSE THE FUCKING COKE AD'S BEEN ON THE TELLY. Yep, not are you only such a spoonfed hybrid that you react to a giant corporation attempting to sell you something with an attack of the warm and fuzzies, not only are you so utterly devoid of free will that you have allowed the coca-cola corporation to rewire your brain in this way but you feel the need to share this terrifying pavlovian response with the world. Normally sane, sensible people, I should note. It scares the shit out of me. The thought of seeing family doesn't make you feel christmassy. The thought of spending time with loved ones doesn't make you feel christmassy. The cold snap of the air doesn't make you feel christmassy. No, your feelings of festivity are contingent upon a multinational corporation endeavouring to persuade you to buy more of its product. Jesus (quite literally) wept.


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