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The five best things I ate in Newcastle

 I have had a brief holiday. 

This isn't an entirely remarkable turn of events, it happens from time to time. Not as often as the happy, gilded folk who occupy my Insta feed, it would appear, or the University acquaintances whose lives would seem to be one long roundelay of chic European mini-breaks but, nevertheless, holidays occur though, perhaps not quite with the frequency with which, in an ideal world, I would wish

In this instance, in an even rarer turn of events  we were sans offspring. Oh yes. Sorry lads.

Thus is because Mrs Coastalblog and I went away to celebrate our twentieth wedding anniversary (Miracles, etc, less for murder, etc, if you could just dump all the jokes within these parentheses and then we could all get on with our lives) and because we're the sort of perverts that like going to places by train, and going to places we're not overly familiar with, we wound up in Newcastle. A fine, handsome city with much to recommend it, but what I wish to consider hereb, reasonably enough, given my job, is the food.

I would like to say straight up that I wasn't in toon long enough to scratch the surface, and what I gleaned from the local food blogs was that a lot of the good stuff was hither and yon, to an extent where I'd have needed a better knowledge of local geography to track it down in the time available (but, believe you me, I shall, in the fullness of time).

So, I shall concern myself solely with what I managed to get down my gob in the time available, and the reason I'm restricting myself to the five BEST things is I'm not an arsehole, everyone does their best I think and some stuff was best glossed over, so, shall we?

5) Starter platter, Blackfriars

Glorious, ancient building, immaculate service, and a generous, delicious starter platter of cured salmon, fishcake, herring, prawns and a bunch of other good, fishy stuff. Bread game is strong, butter was a cut above. This was the sort of comfortable, classy eating that English cuisine likes to tell itself that it is these days, but so often fails

4) Various bits from Kalimera Greek Bakery

Bought one morning to stave off the hunger pangs before lunch. Would have liked to plough my way through the lot, particular highlight was a small spinach pie of impeccable pastry and well seasoned filling. Good coffee too. we went back on the last morning to buy sandwiches for the train rather than submit ourselves to the horrors of the Sainos meal deal, and these were also incredible.

3) Rojak, Chilli Padi

I'll be honest, I ordered this because I didn't have a fucking clue what it was. A traditional Malayasian starter according to our waiter, but he may have been taking the piss. I'm still not sure now, tbh. Apple, pineapple, chopped up doughnut bits, shrimp sauce, shouldn't work. Does. It was weirdly compelling, and this is not just because I'd just had a sizeable glass of Sauvignon Blanc (as a side note, I, personally, am very much over Sauvignon Blanc, in much the same way as everyone decided in 2004 that they'd had enough of Chardonnay).

Everything else we had here was exemplary, (Mrs Coastalblog's chicken wings were spicy enough to cause flushes even such a hardened pair of chilli consumers as ourselves) this is just what's sticking in the memory, possibly because it was so mad.

2) The chillu and garlic pickle that comes with the Poppadums at Dakwalla

Fucking hell. I can still taste it now. Sensational. I asked for the recipe. They refused to give it to me

1) Cheese and Mushrom Kofte, spinach sauce, Dakwalla. The sort of dish that makes me want to be a better person. Minced mushroom and cheese deep fried, but that indulgence set in a vibrant sauce clearly cooked down from such a vast quantity of greenery that I could feel years being added to my life-span, but deliciously. I am not a taker of food photos. I took a photo of this. I am not clever enough to cook this. I hope, one day, to be so

I could probably have waxed lyrical about Dakwalla for the full blog, it really was a very good meal, but they've had a glowing review elsewhere, and they'll just have to settle for the top two slots. I want to go back and eat everything else, but I could certainly say the same about Chilli Padi. Mrs Fallaize's Chicken Karaage at Moku was also excellent, but seeing as how I just nicked a bit I don't suppose it counts.

So, some good meals, and a few good drinks as well, there were some lovely bars. Obviously I couldn't do the place justice on just one shirt trip, have ro go again, won't I?




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