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Short (and highly specialised) rant (which isn't that short, now I come to actually write it)

Right, this isn't going to mean a damn thing to anybody, but it's something I need to get off my chest (and hey, it's a blog, right? At least I'm not whining about my relationship or detailing my latest self-harm scars), and it is this.

LAURENT PERRIER ROSE CHAMPAGNE IS THE BANE OF MY FUCKING EXISTENCE.

Now, I'm not about to get into that whole inverse-snob anti-champagne bollocks. I love champagne, I'm not even averse to the odd glass of the above-mentioned BANE OF MY FUCKING EXISTENCE. My quarrel is with the fans of the slightly overrated aforementioned BANE OF MY FUCKING EXISTENCE. It's pleasant enough, but it's not all that. I've tried about fifteen rose champagnes which were far superior, and god knows how many champagnes total. But LP Rose drinkers are the most dogged brand loyalists I've ever met

(explanatory sidenote, champagne is made rose due to the skins of red grapes, primarily pinot noir but occasionally syrah, being allowed to pigment the wine during the primary fermentation - this has been Coastalblog, your guide to the world of facts)

Suggest they might like to try something else and they react with horror, inneffably finer champagnes have fallen by the wayside in the face of my public's demand for this fizz. And what I REALLY hate about it is the smug assurance it is invariably ordered with, the assumption on the part of the drinker that this, and by extension they, is / are something special. It is / they are not. LP Rose is the Ribena of the champagne world. There is no sustained palate, the mousse is inferior and yet the entire thing commands a respect and prestige way way way above it's station. People drink it, they think "right, this is ok" and then THAT'S ALL THEY'LL EVER DRINK. It breaks my fucking heart, it really does. Footballers and clueless self-made businessmen drink LP Rose. People who drink fucking Pinot bastard twatting Grigio drink LP Rose. And the house of Laurent Perrier, knowing when it's on to a good thing, has just jacked it's prices by a fiver a bottle, chuckling in a knowingly Gallic manner behind it's hand all the while.

So there we go. Don't drink this bollocks.

(This rant also applies to Cristal and Dom Perignon and could possibly be expanded to include a lot of XO brandies. I suppose I'm just fed up of rich people with zero palate ruining my evening. OK, rant over, enjoy your day)

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