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Easy targets

Some notes for your diary, the following words and phrases are banned in my hearing until further notice.

"In real terms"
"Contextualised"
"Knocking it out of the park"
"That's old-school"
"That's what I bring to the table/party (delete as applicable)"
"Punch and Judy politics"

Any figure over 100% is banned should it succeed the words "giving it" in a verb clause, all other usages are acceptable. Any mention of MP's expenses is banned should you yourself have an expense account/petty cash tin/access to a stationery cupboard. Discussion of the BNP voting for non-whites to be allowed to join is banned, likewise anything which could be deemed a liberal hot button du jour. John Terry is banned, likewise Ashley Cole. Vernon Kay's ban is not be rescinded under any circumstances. George Lamb will remain banned until such time as his accent ascends to its correct social class. And he fucks off. Florence and the Machine are banned before nine a.m and after five p.m., and all day Sunday. Unless she stops shouting. Any discussion of how if Pete Doherty wasn't a rock star (which to the best of my knowledge he is not) he'd be in prison by now is banned banned thrice fucking banned.

That is all.

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