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Chosen by you!

I inhabit an appalling duality, seriously. Some days it's nigh on impossible to get out of bed. You see, there are two of me.

I know, I know, we're all multi-faceted, each of us is terribly complex etc etc. I am not, however, there are, simply put, two of me.

As a general rule of thumb I'm relatively liberal, reasonably relaxed and inclined to see the best in people. However I am, also, a chef. And chefs, as you're doubtless aware, are for the most part temperamental, egomaniacal arseholes. Goes with the turf, I'm afraid, when your business and reputation ride on each and every plate you send out, and you send out hundreds, it tends to make you prone to stress.

And so I and I struggle on, mutually mistrustful but attempting to rub along as best we can. And then something like Asda'a new "Chosen by you" range comes along. The concept being that they've stuck this label on items "Chosen by you" d'you see, and in no sense chosen by a program crunching the most popular lines in any given area. Normal me regards this as irritatingly twee but recognises that hey, a lot of people lack the capacity to shop properly for whatever reason, and it doesn't do to sneer, supermarkets are a necessary evil, it's not ideal but y'know, they're not going away, might as well just live with it, and being arsey about that sort of thing smacks of elitism in a deeply unpleasant manner which doesn't sit well at all. Chef me, on the other hand, thinks that anyone who shops at asda is a mouth-breathing idiot devoid of even a rudimentary palate and should at no time be given a "choice" in anything unless they do themselves a sullen, lardy mischief; in fact just bus KFC in to the fuckers and let them eat themselves to a damply explosive death, it's what they would have wanted.

How on earth can we possibly get along?

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