If there were one thing that I wish I could do without professionally, it's social media.
I am not anti it as such, still a relatively regular user in my personal life, though perhaps not so much in these days of worrying about whether Zuck or Musk will be the first to bring down civilisation as we know it. I enjoy the chat on Bluesky, which reminds me of nothing so much as Twitter before it went irrevocably shit.
But, for work, I have to use the products of Meta, because that's where the people are, and while you may hear many chin-stroking opinions about their waning influence, and I fervently hope that is the case, I have to be honest with myself. When I put stuff on facebook and insta, people see it, it drives a bit of business our way.
More pertinently, every other bugger does it, and if you don't...well, people's attention spans aren't what they were.
And so I dutifully photograph food, post up menus, all the informative stuff (I can't bring myself to indulge in the antics expected of Tiktok, that one gets subcontracted to younger staff). Of course, while swimming in these waters, I am inevitably exposed to the social media posts of other pubs and restaurants.
This is unfortunate, because they're pretty awful.
Well, mostly. There are a few places whose posts I'm pleased to see, and it's always interesting to see what people are up to, but there are a number of tropes of hospo socials which are guaranteed to aggravate me, and seeing as how they get on my nerves, I'm now going to get on yours.
The ubiquitous use of AI, for starters, which is a simple case to make. I get why people do it, it's quick and easy and running a pub has a lot of calls on your time, but it ensures every post looks the same. The vaguely cartoony aesthetic of so much generative AI not only looks bland, but screams "this'll do". Pub adverts are either rendered in primary colours, screaming about their offers, or in an ersatz old timey style which has a peculiar whiff of Americana about it, either way it's dull, it's lazy and it gives the impression that you can't be arsed.
Another red rag to me is describing food as "proper" or "real" or "home-made". It's generally a sign that a place isn't all it could be. It is fervently to be hoped that all the food is real, serving food which sits outwith the bounds of observed reality isn't really what I want out of lunch. But beyond that, using words like "proper" is a bit lumpen, a touch dad-rock, like when Noel Gallagher complained about Jay Z playing Glastonbury. The sort of faux traditionalism which the English like to employ to pretend that the world hasn't changed since 1945. It also implies that other menu items aren't, if your gravy is "proper" what, then, are the yorkies to which you didn't append the label? Improper? A touch recherche? Possessed of a dark past? As to "home-made" well, that should be the benchmark of any gaff. It's like proudly pointing out that you can breathe and walk at the same time. If you're not actually making the food hand that apron back, you're not fit to wear it. We'll state on the menu if something you wouldn't expect to be house-made is, our brown sauce, for example, is a bit funkier than HP, but Lasagne? Chips? You want applause for cutting a spud? Grow up.
Moving on, slow motion videos of someone slicing a poached egg so the yolk runs. We can all poach a fucking egg lad. It's embarrassing that you're proud of this.
Perhaps the worst crime of all is posting your own reviews. Jesus Christ. What needy fuckery is this? You should get good reviews if you're any good, that should be a given. Plenty of absolutely terrible places get good reviews, because lots of people are idiots. Posting your own reviews betrays a terrible lack of confidence in your own abilities. You shouldn't need the affirmation. You should know.
Ultimately, I'm aware that there's a sizeable old-man-yelling-at-clouds element to this entire piece, I'm also painfully aware that this battle is lost, too many people live their lives on the socials and, as such, it's a part of life which has already developed its own grammar, its own ways of being and engaging, and naturally, that brings with it tropes and cliche over time as it develops.
Arguing against people using these is a fool's errand, I know, but my main aim in this post was basically to spread a bit of misery around, what with it loving company and all, in the hope that the next time you see a video of a runny poached egg, you might sneer a little bit at it, too. Cheers!
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