Skip to main content

Bank holiday blues

We who work under the pitiless aegis of the harsh mistress of the catering industry are, en masse, particularly unhappy today. You see, bank holiday weekends are a particular rubbing-in of the fact that we are not as you are, gentle readers. Normally, monday is a day off for me, to rest up after the painful rigours of a weekend on the stoves, possibly catch up on a little sleep.

It is not a day when I should be dragging my sorry arse into work again, just to cater to you happy, blithe, souls who take these TOTALLY RANDOM BONUS DAYS OFF WHICH WE DON'T GET TO HAVE entirely for granted. And because we don't have these TOTALLY RANDOM BONUS DAYS OFF we've had to turn down the offers of late night pints and mischief which people have been indulging in all weekend, because we know that it's a long week, and we know that being hungover once is fine, twice is cumulative, and far too much like hard work.

And we fun-loving (read: dipsomaniac) Brits celebrate bank holiday weekends so aggressively. As I was strolling out of work on Friday I saw the first casualities of the weekend reeling around the clocktower, matters continued to deteriorate, a frankly terrifying amount of booze has disappeared down the nation's throat. By last night, as I gently removed a wandering drunk from my path I fell to wondering where on earth you all get the money for these TOTALLY RANDOM BONUS DAYS OFF. Then I remembered. You get paid for these TOTALLY RANDOM BONUS DAYS OFF. You bastards.

So should you go out for a meal today, or, god forbid, even a fourth day straight on the lash. Don't forget to tip, tip recklessly, tip generously. Because Bank holiday monday is the day above all other days that it sucks to be a chef, sucks to be a waitress, sucks to be bar-staff, sucks to be any one of those people who facilitate your lumpen, amoebic enjoyment of these TOTALLY RANDOM BONUS DAYS OFF (Not you, obviously, coastalblog reader discerning and more attractive than the average as you are, your enjoyment of these days is doubtless refined, suave and characterised by sparkling conversation and highbrow entertainment).

In Ormskirk news, I cannot help but note with a curl of disdain that Jeff, Ormskirk's celebrated rollerblading septuagenarian has caused a minor splash in the press. Due to a facebook group dedicated to him, in which various gurning, arriba-loving buffoons state their admiration for the great man. Notwithstanding that admiration for Jeff is a default state, and has no need of expressing, I would refer these johnny come latelies to Coastalblog's sister site, created in May 2005 the domain name of which provides ample proof that he has been in our thoughts for a long time. Posers. The same goes for the appreciation group for the quiz at the windmill, as Lesley would like to state, we were there before she started mispronouncing the questions on purpose. And it's "Qiuz", not "Quiz", that was part of the charm. You damn kids with your facebook and your pop music and your "Sexual intercourse" think you invented everything...

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

What is happening?

An unpleasant, but in the grand scheme of things quite minor, incident occurred at a local school yesterday. Two lads entered the premises looking for another kid they wanted to assault. The school followed protocols and was locked down until the situation was resolved. Grim enough in and of itself, but not exactly a massive piece of news. Except, of course, on local Facebook pages, where a cast of many hang around visibly thirsting for events like this. This isn't a post about them, however. There is something desperately sad about a million posts on the same subject, everyone breathlessly recycling the same story without checking whether it might have already been covered. It speaks to an unfulfilled existence. Nor is this a post about Facebook and it's local pages, though they are a weird and interesting ecosystem. Were it not for running the pub, my Meta presence would be minimal, I need to be on there for work, and stuff like this is a necessary accoutrement. No, what depr...
Post a Comment
Read more

Inedible

"He says it's inedible" said my front of house manager, as she laid the half-eaten fish and chips in front of me, and instantly I relaxed.  Clearly, I observed, it was edible to some degree. I comped it, because I can't be arsed arguing the toss, and I want to make my front of house's lives as simple as possible. The haddock had been delivered that morning. The fryers had been cleaned that morning. The batter had been made that morning (and it's very good batter, ask me nicely and I'll give you the recipe some time). The fish and chips was identical to the other 27 portions I'd sent out on that lunch service, all of which had come back more or less hoovered up, we have have a (justified, if I do say so myself) very good reputation for our chips. But it was, apparently, "inedible". When it comes to complaints, less is more. If you use a hyperbolic word like that, I'll switch off, you've marked yourself as a rube, a chump, I'm not g...
Post a Comment
Read more

Worthless Art

Ah, we're back to calling humanities degrees rip-offs, are we? What a semi regular treat that is. There is a persistent strain of thought in British public life which runs thus: things are shit, blame clever people. When a politician needs a convenient punchbag, higher education is always a quick and easy mark. Everyone hates students, right? And those lecturers, bit up themselves, aren't they? And so Kemi Badenoch, bereft of ideas, takes up the cudgels once more, because why not? It's not like she's got anything else sensible to say. Might as well try and score a few populist points. Cuh, English degrees eh? What use are they?  Yes, this week, the erstwhile leader of His Majesty's Opposition decided to wander down a tired and well-trodden path and try to score a few points off the back of the much maligned Arts and Humanities. She's not the first, I highly doubt she'll be the last. She set out plans to a somewhat sparsely attended Conservative Party Confere...
1 comment
Read more