Skip to main content

Ormskirk, ormskirk, it's a hell of a town

Seems as good a time as any to stick a post up here, given that Ormskirk will have won the Twenty20 world championships for England by the end of this summer?

How, you ask? Why, by rehabilitating none other than legspinning hope Chris Schofield. Good to see that after a fruitful summer on the verdant pastures of Brook Lane he's ready to take the world by storm.

In further Ormskirk news, I note that the super soaraway Champion's restaurant reviewer, the redoubtable Mr X, has yet further covered himself in glory. Regular readers (or those of you who've heard me ranting about this in the pub) may recall that this is the restaurant reviewer who likes EVERYTHING, lacking as he does any semblance of a critical faculty, or, for that matter, a palate (you may also recall his liking of steak well done, and professed dislike of garlic, ffs) both of which are, one imagines, pre-requisites for a half decent stab at the restaurant reviewing game. Unabashed he has continued to astonish us with his insights, and in the week just gone it was my pleasure to read his analysis of some identikit faux-mediterranean shit-tip. The starter, we were informed was "like cheese on toast, but without the toast". The money shot was provided by his giddy trying of lamb, explaining as he does, breathlessly, that he normally "plays safe with chicken". You adventurer you. Chicken, the Aston Villa of the restaurant menu. I look forward to our hero maybe risking some dressing on his Iceberg lettuce at some point in the near future.

The champion itself scaled further heights on the VERY NEXT PAGE, when a picture was captioned with the informative "Caption goes here". Why yes, yes it does. Bravo.

Wider world news. Can it possibly be true that a leaver's do at renowned local hangout for boater-wearing, fee-paying weirdoes Merch4nt Tayl0r's school was disrupted by the kids themselves getting pissed and trashing their hotel? Surely not. We'd have heard about it in the paper, surely. What's that you say, the editor of the Echo is on the school's board of governors? Pshaw, a coincidence.

Fort update: well, a new season is upon us, so Coastalblog's eye gazes wistfully north, to the foot of Ben Nevis and Claggan Park, home of mighty mighty Fort William FC. And the exciting news is that the Fort have kicked off this new season with a plucky 3-1 defeat at the hands of Nairn County (last season's seventh placed giants). I know! One game in and one goal in the "For" column already! I don't know about you, but I suspect it'll be a hell of a season.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

To all intents and purposes, a bloody great weed.

I absolutely love trees, and I get quite irate when they get cut down. One of the aspects of life with which I most often find myself most at odds with my fellow man is that I'm not really a fan of the tidy garden. I like to see a bit of biodiversity knocking about the gaff, and to that end I welcome the somewhat overgrown hedge, am pro the bit of lawn left to run riot, and, most of all, very anti cutting down trees. I love the things, habitat, provider of shade, easy on the eye, home to the songbirds that delight the ear at dawn, the best alarm clock of all. To me, cutting a naturally growing tree down is an act of errant vandalism, as well as monumental entitlement, it's been around longer than you. So, this being the case, let me say this. The public outcry over the felling of the tree at Sycamore Gap is sentimental, overblown nonsense, and the fact that the two men found guilty of it have been given a custodial sentence is completely insane. Prison? For cutting down a Sycam...
Post a Comment
Read more

Oh! Are you on the jabs?

I have never been a slender man. No one has ever looked at me and thought "oh, he needs feeding up". It's a good job for me that I was already in a relationship by the early noughties as I was never going to carry off the wasted rock star in skinny jeans look. No one has ever mistaken me for Noel Fielding. This is not to say that I'm entirely a corpulent mess. I have, at various times in my life, been in pretty good shape, but it takes a lot of hard work, and a lot of vigilance, particularly in my line of work, where temptation is never far away. Also, I reason, I have only one life to live, so have the cheese, ffs. I have often wondered what it would be like to be effortlessly in good nick, to not have to stop and think how much I really want that pie (quite a lot, obviously, pie is great), but I've long since come to terms with the fact that my default form is "lived-in". I do try to keep things under control, but I also put weight on at the mere menti...
Post a Comment
Read more

Inedible

"He says it's inedible" said my front of house manager, as she laid the half-eaten fish and chips in front of me, and instantly I relaxed.  Clearly, I observed, it was edible to some degree. I comped it, because I can't be arsed arguing the toss, and I want to make my front of house's lives as simple as possible. The haddock had been delivered that morning. The fryers had been cleaned that morning. The batter had been made that morning (and it's very good batter, ask me nicely and I'll give you the recipe some time). The fish and chips was identical to the other 27 portions I'd sent out on that lunch service, all of which had come back more or less hoovered up, we have have a (justified, if I do say so myself) very good reputation for our chips. But it was, apparently, "inedible". When it comes to complaints, less is more. If you use a hyperbolic word like that, I'll switch off, you've marked yourself as a rube, a chump, I'm not g...
Post a Comment
Read more