Skip to main content

This will not stand

I've been away from the net too long, clearly. Time was there was only one Matt Fallaize round the top of the google pops. Yours bleedin' truly. But what happens? I bugger off for five minutes to get with the fathering and business starting and all the concomitant fun + games and some other Matt Fallaize goes and sweeps all before him mightily in some election in Guernsey.

Now, whilst I must obviously give props to a man possessed of possibly the noblest name in christendom, salute his victory and wish him all the best with his inexorable rise to what I would imagine will be the top (how could it be anything else?) I can't help but note that he's kicking me all over google, all of which is a long winded and possibly overconfrontational way of saying I've been, yet again, neglecting dear old coastalblog, and, by extension, you.

This will not stand. Things fall apart the centre etc etc, you know the rest. This Channel Islandic upstart must be confined to page four, maybe two at best. As a wise woman once said, I can't be doing with this sort of thing. There's only room for one Matt Fallaize in this neck of the woods. And that Matt Fallaize is this Matt Fallaize. Have I said Matt Fallaize enough yet? Matt Fallaize, ladies and gentlemen.

Update: omg he's even got Matt Fallaize dot com. Why don't I have Matt Fallaize dot com? Not that I'd have actually have done anything with it but I could maybe have sold it to him for a pint of lovely Guernsey cream.

Further update: ooohh I've started getting into the policy details of the other Matt Fallaize. Apparently people don't feel safe after dark in Guernsey or whatever and therefore no means no and hanging's too good for teenagers or something, I have the feeling of a couple of weeks worth of entertainment encircling. Stay tuned.


Popular posts from this blog

The Free School Meals Own Goal

As you're doubtless aware, HMG scored a fairly spectacular own-goal this week, with the decision not to extend free school meals (FSM) over the half-term holiday. The idea, advanced to tremendous effect by Marcus Rashford, was to ensure that no children go hungry when they're not in school. No one could argue with that, right? If we can all agree on one thing, it's that we're pretty anti-starving kids, right? And at a cost of a mere 20 million quid, which is chump change to a government which has wasted billions on Track and Trace that doesn't work, and hundreds of millions in contracts to their mates for PPE that doesn't work, it was a pretty cheap bit of good publicity. Well, as it turns out, there's a sizable element of the Tory party (and the wider populace, we'll get to them in a minute) which is pretty pro-starving kids. You may have seen the speech by Brendan Clarke-Smith, the Conservative member for Bassetlaw, in which he spoke about not wanting

Just let us enjoy it for five minutes, yeah?

He lost! The moment that most sane humans have been fervently praying for for the last four years has finally arrived. After an interminable period of watching numbers fail to move, more "Key Race alerts than I've had hot dinners, and much marvelling at the seemingly iron constitutions of all at CNN, the news was finally confirmed. And lo there was much rejoicing across the land. You'll have your own favourite bit, no doubt, Personally for me it's a toss-up between Nigel Farage losing a ten grand bet and the hilariously shambolic, bathetic ending, where a confused Rudy Giuliani, thinking he'd booked the Four Seasons Hotel for a press conference, stood blinking in the car-park of Four Seasons Total Landscaping, between a crematorium and a shop selling dildoes.  I am not by any stretch much of a US politics nerd. I know that most UK politics fans have a slightly dorky obsession over the US process which probably stems from watching too much West Wing , but it's s


In among the various examples of David Cameron being a pillock in her hugely entertaining diaries , which caused a minor furore a few weeks back, the otherwise spectacularly un self-aware Sasha Swire made one hugely telling and perceptive point, described here in Rachel Cooke's excellent Guardian  interview  Following a Downing Street Christmas party in 2011, for instance, she notes that the closeness of Cameron’s circle is “unprecedented… a very particular, narrow tribe of Britain and their hangers-on”. It’s “enough to repulse the ordinary man" This sense of Government by chumocracy was one of the less edifying aspects of the already pretty ropy Cameron years. An idea of a few good pals lording it up at each other's houses and doing a spot of Governing when it suited them haunted the back of a fag packet policies of that intellectually threadbare period (in the book, Dave boasts of "winning a war" in Libya, conflating it with the great day he's just had on t