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Surely the mephedrone will kill us alll

Hysterical (in at least two senses of the word) report on C4 news this evening. The (apparent)rise of mephedrone (which will surely Kill Us All) was tackled with all the head nodding, chin stroking gravitas of a Very Serious Subject. M-Cat, or meow-meow, as absolutely nobody calls it, is killing our kids at a rate of knots. And is now to be banned so fast its little feet, made of drugs, won't touch the ground.

Now, fond as I am of a media scare story (oh MMR, come back, we miss you, oh SARS, when will you return my love?) this is a doozy. No toxicology reports are back on the cases. Not a single inquest has, as yet been held, but this menace Must Be Stopped. Because, as C4 earnestly reported from a school on the Isle of Wight (in no sense the sort of back-assward place where goons will hoover up the contents of anyting remotely resembling a pill bottle in a desperate hope to stop being so very, very bored) half, that's HALF, 50%, one in every two yrs 10-11 were getting the 'drone down their necks at a rate that would shame Pete Doherty into getting his A-game out.

So, if we assume that this utterly unsubstantiated piece of reporting is true, and extrapolate, that means that, country-wide 50% of 14-16 yr olds are what I can only refer to as droning it up. A quick whizz over to the office of national stats informs me that there are roughly 2.1 million 14-16 year olds in the country at present; so by C4's logic that's 1,050,000 rabid m-cat dustbins. Should this be the case, the number of fatalities seems remarkably low. Perhaps I should get a gram in for my health.

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