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On contrariness (and trying not to be preachy)

Now, I am aware that I have a bit of a tendency to proselytise from time to time, and I imagine it's bored the hell out of a lot of people down the years. I remember being once asked (via an intermediary) why I was "so angry all the time" (this after a run of particularly virulent Facebook statuses about the then government, like it was going to make any difference).

I'm not, you know, not really. well, okay, a bit. But by and large I'd like to think that I'm nearer the reasonable end of the scale than unreasonable. And so that comment did make me wonder precisely why I can get het up about things, and why I feel the need to then publicly vent. It's not as if I have a huge platform or following (and if I'm sure of one thing, it's that I'm self aware enough to realise this) or that my opinions are particularly novel or interesting. It can certainly be a bit outrage by numbers at times (though hopefully not to the extent of the eternally offended brigade on twitter), so why, do I, not one of the world's foremost thinkers, feel that What I Think should be broadcast (at the risk of offending people who, by and large, I quite like)?

I've been mulling this over a lot of late, and I think that it's because what does genuinely annoy me, more than anything else, is unthinking acceptance of status quos. What gets me more annoyed than practically anything else is indifference. I recall round the time of the referendum, co-workers shrugging and saying they hadn't bothered voting (cheers for that, guys). The inability to recognise that it's your world too, that it's incumbent upon you to engage with it irks me beyond measure. Which, I suppose, is a way of saying hey, I'm upset, so you should be too. That's not precisely what I mean, but I do feel it's important to be the bit of gravel in the shoe, irritating to the people to the extent that they may stop and think twice about things.

Take self-service checkouts (I've stuck a snotty status up about them today, which is in part where this has come from). I don't use them. I remember a conversation with a Morrison's cashier shortly after they were installed where she confided that yes, a few people had left and not been replaced. It struck me then that they're just an excuse to put people out of work, and have you do the supermarket's job for them. so I queue, and I wait, and yes, it's less convenient, but it feels right. Likewise, it would be simplest, given my esoteric tastes, to shop for books and music on amazon, but how could I do that in good conscience, knowing about how poorly pais the delivery people are, how little tax Amazon pay, how destructive online shopping's been for the high street (a subject about which I can get very exercised)? So I'll go to the shops, and yes, it's less convenient, but I couldn't live with myself if I didn't.

But the problem here is you can come off as though you think you're better than everyone else, and really, I don't. I'm a fairly awful human being. Don't call my family enough, guard my free time jealously, work unsociable hours because it suits me to do so and bollocks to everyone else. I suck, to be frank. But if I have one redeeming feature it's that I know it. But I fret, and I worry, and I hate to see things that are unfair just...be ignored.

So because I'm a fretter, and a worrier, I have to take it out on someone. And that someone is you, the internet. But I try not to get too preachy about it, because we are, all of us flawed, and each of us indulges unthinkingly in practices which don't bear ethical scrutiny ( I really should eat less meat, come to think of it). I've rarely met a vegan that didn't kid themselves that wine was okay, and all those nice middle class people who do a line at dinner parties will gloss over the damage the drugs trade wreaks in wider society. We all of us inure ourselves to the world (climate change is terrible, Oooh, weekend break in Barcelona!) and try to tell ourselves that what we do doesn't matter. Unfortunately, it does. So I suppose what I'm saying is don't hate me for being that annoying arsehole who asks that, every now and again, you make life a little less convenient for yourself. I try to do it too. I don't do it enough, but owt's better than nowt.

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