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My idiot customers pt 937

Now you all know how much I enjoy imbecilic exchanges with customers. I cherish their goombah questions, inability to read signs, spectacular mispronunciations (Brie pronounced to rhyme with sigh, Sauvignon Blank, that sort of thing) and general cluelessness with a bright, fierce love that is otherwise reserved for my girlfriend, family, friends and the occasional Pinot Noir(though it has to be pretty damn good). However, I haven't had a genuine weirdo in for a while, so table 53 last night lifted my spirits to levels they haven't reached in a while.

They were fantastic.

For openers they marched right through the restaurant without acknowledging anyone, hammering past an extremely surprised manager, a couple of startled waitresses and an unwary barman before sitting themselves down on a balcony table in the extension (probably the nicest table in the restaurant). They then decided that this wasn't quite far enough for them, opened the french doors and went and stood in the car park. So far, so entertaining. For their next trick one of the women (who had the thousand yard stare of a Vietnam Vet) asked me, very carefully and deliberately if she could have a tomato and basil salad "but not with my meal, before the meal, can you do that?" "what, like a starter?" I replied "oh no" came the rejoinder "I just want it before my meal". I told her I'd ask the chefs.

The coup de grace arrived when they ordered a bottle of wine "and three glasses" despite the painfully apparent fact that each setting includes a fairly substantial wine glass which I would imagine is pretty hard to miss. Lovely. I am now optimistic for today, bring me more ormskirk oddities please, they make the shifts fly past.

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